so i have had some awful memories. i want to share them with the world, so that perhaps it would open some eyes, so that others can see behind the scenes of some terrible things, about how people can manipulate you, and use you to their advantage.
and it makes me so angry to hear about people molesting and killing young children. this morning i briefly read part of an article about child trafficking in south africa. it's disgusting.
well, i am in the library, and just now for some reason, a memory popped in my head. i almost started crying. when i was 13 or 14, still in junior high school, AIM was such a popular thing. you instant message all your friends.. blah blah blah..
one day, one of my friends messaged me. i began typing back and forth to him, and he told me that it was actually tim's dad. he was being nice, seemingly concerned with my well being.
how is school for you?
i dont really have any friends. so many rumors were floating around about me that it was taboo for people to talk to me.
oh well that's too bad...what are the rumors about?
some boy has been telling everyone that i slept with him. (i didnt even know how sex worked until i lost my virginity a few years after this incident)
are you feeling stressed out about it?
yeah, i guess it is a little stressful. but i guess it's okay
maybe you need a massage or something. have you ever had one of those?
well sometimes i ask someone to rub my shoulders.
you know what would feel even better?
what's that.
if you start rubbing your nipples.
what does that do? (i am completely naive. i know nothing about sex. i know nothing about anything that is not innocent)
it'll just make you feel really relaxed.
okay
does that feel good?
i dunno it doesnt feel like much of anything.
well maybe if you rub yourself between your legs.
what? why?
because that's a spot that really relieves a lot of stress. a lot of people dont tell you that because it's like a secret spot.
how would that relieve my stress?
oh if you rub yourself down there in little circles, you'll see what i mean. it'll feel reallly good and you'll feel better soon.
i dont know if i want to do that...
just try it out, put your hand inside of your panties, and just use your little fingers to rub your clitoris in little circles. do you know what your clitoris is?
no.
it's that spot that you've got to rub inbetween your legs, it's a special place that will make you feel really good.
i am feeling really uncomfortable. i have to go.
so i signed off of my aim, not sure of what to think about what just happened. i never talked to that man again.
for so many years, i kept telling myself that oh, maybe tim was just messing with me... i never talked to him. i saw him at school and he was friends with my friends. i was completely in denial about it possibly being his dad, saying those awful things to me..
i usually forget about that. but sometimes when i suddenly remember, it makes me feel so sick. to think that he might have been stroking himself while envisioning a young girl touching her private areas.
i want to do something about it, so maybe i can have some closure one day, but i dont think there's anything that i would be able to do. it's been about ten years since that conversation occurred.. but it still haunts me from time to time...
-Cherryspirit
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